Thursday, October 28, 2010
I've been writing this post in my head for at least a week, but now that I'm writing I don't know where to start. I'm back. I don't quite know what happened, but I'm back, and that's a good thing.
I keep telling people "I think I lost a couple of months" and they laugh because I think we can all relate to life going a little more quickly than is comfortable. But, really, I think I lost about 6 months. As in I wasn't really there for it. I remember my daughter's doctor appointment in April and then the one in June where we'd made no progress and I felt like I was in a time warp. The summer wasn't much better. I was here but not here, you know? I don't know if I was depressed or just exhausted. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and be very very still for a long long while.
But I'm back, and I intend to stay.
Several things have changed lately. First, we went on a 2 week holiday that ended up being even more relaxing than intended (for me anyway) due to a blown engine in our truck. We also stopped nursing, and though it wasn't all that frequent near the end, I know that has a huge effect on how my body works. I can feel the bounce back in my step. I feel like doing things again. Living.
But I'm so cautious. I never want to be in that place again. What if I don't resurface next time? I'm doing all I can to boost my health, get enough sleep, build a support system, but will it be enough? So for now, focusing on the positive, I'm BACK! and I intend to STAY!