Thursday, October 28, 2010

I'm back, and I intend to stay!

I've been writing this post in my head for at least a week, but now that I'm writing I don't know where to start. I'm back. I don't quite know what happened, but I'm back, and that's a good thing.

I keep telling people "I think I lost a couple of months" and they laugh because I think we can all relate to life going a little more quickly than is comfortable. But, really, I think I lost about 6 months. As in I wasn't really there for it. I remember my daughter's doctor appointment in April and then the one in June where we'd made no progress and I felt like I was in a time warp. The summer wasn't much better. I was here but not here, you know? I don't know if I was depressed or just exhausted. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and be very very still for a long long while.

But I'm back, and I intend to stay.

Several things have changed lately. First, we went on a 2 week holiday that ended up being even more relaxing than intended (for me anyway) due to a blown engine in our truck. We also stopped nursing, and though it wasn't all that frequent near the end, I know that has a huge effect on how my body works. I can feel the bounce back in my step. I feel like doing things again. Living.

But I'm so cautious. I never want to be in that place again. What if I don't resurface next time? I'm doing all I can to boost my health, get enough sleep, build a support system, but will it be enough? So for now, focusing on the positive, I'm BACK! and I intend to STAY!

1 comment:

  1. yay! cant wait for tomorrow night. you'll never guess. Ive been hand-stitching! totally inspired by you of course. I made Emery a t-shirt, and now I am making myself a jersey wool tunic thingy. I cant help but admit that making myself a dorky tunic thingy isnt embarrassingly geeky. It s one thing to hand sew badly. Its OK to hand-sew badly for your kids. Its an entirely different thing to hand-sew badly and wear it yourself. but Im OK with that. the wool is SO WARM! All I could think of is draping myself in it, and so voila...

    see you tomorrow evening! Maybe I'll even wear it.