I had a dream one night where we were all becoming mindless robots.
I’m worried about that. Worried about living a life without meaning. I think we all should be at some level. I believe that’s part of what it is to be human. Many things that I won't go into here led up to this realization, but I'm deciding to do something about it. I have to.
So I’m readjusting my attention to things that are more grounded. Instead of trolling the internet looking for humans, I’m meeting them in person. There’s a group of like-minded moms that meet for coffee and support. Reading blog after blog looking for something to make me smile has been replaced with a running conversation through the day with my sisters (love the internet for that).
I catch myself when I’m bored or annoyed turning to facebook or the blog reader and am making a conscious effort to turn it off and deal with whatever it is that I am avoiding, spending time with the family, neighbours or making some art (or bread) instead. I’m even reading a real paper book for the first time in a long time. And, yes, it does feel better than the shallow un-focused existence. I just didn’t know how to get here before.
So where does that leave this blog and my shop? I don’t know yet. I’m sure I’ll return to blogging. I’ve always enjoyed doing it for myself, not the readers. It really bugs me that I can’t put lots of pictures on here and do it properly, though, a problem that I’m sure technology could solve if I threw some money at it.
The shop, maybe not. I can be creative without the hassle of listing and promoting. I always thought it would be a good back up if I got laid off – I could easily throw it into high gear – but this doesn’t seem like quite enough anymore. It challenged me creatively, that I will miss for sure, but I’m sure I can find that passion elsewhere. I keep going back and forth on this one.
So that’s where it stands. I’m having trouble articulating all of this because I’m still in the middle of it. And this is, of course, the abridged version. If you have any thoughts, please comment, I’d love to hear it.