The last thing I wrote about was being so excited about starting the You Are Your Own Muse photography class. And then I disappeared which usually means there’s stuff going on I don’t know how to write about yet. The class has been as awesome as predicted, full of learning. Which means starting at a certain point, struggling, figuring things out (learning) and eventually coming out the other end better than when you began.
I am at the struggling part right now.
I haven’t quite hit my stride with it yet, but I keep trying new things and my eyes keep opening wider.
The biggest challenge for me is letting go of my expectations of myself. I had these airy ideas of beautiful photos I would make, exposing some ideal spark of goddessness. But life is not all sunbeams and twirly skirts, my friends. Some days are hard, and, yes, that too gets caught on film.
I had this idea that I would go out in the forest by myself for a couple of magical hours and come back triumphant with stunning, perfect, happy photos in hand. But I’ve realized that would only happen in an alternate universe where I have extra time (without kids responsibilities or distractions) to skip in the daisies. And I know that I wouldn’t be happy with more than a couple of those photos anyway as that’s just not (my) reality.
My photos will be imperfect. My photos will reflect My reality. And I will try to love what I see there for what it is.
I’d love to take blocks of time to do formal photo shoots, but I don’t really have blocks of time available so pictures will be taken when I have a minute, when inspiration strikes, and when it feels best to do it. This realization is making me so happy right now. I am giving myself the freedom to do this course my way. Still seriously (I do lots of stuff labeled “homework”), but organically, rather than (self-)imposing rules.